Thursday, January 17, 2008

Slight Suboxone Setback

Because of suboxone, she hasn't used heroin for 6 weeks and has started to think differently about her friends. She's been talking about what she wants to do with her life. She talking about a college she wants to go to and is being more responsible. She talks about her friends that are still using heroin as though she doesn't really care what happens to them. I'm not sure if that's just for my benefit or not. I gave her a prescription 4 days ago. I thought she could take the suboxone on her own. Wrong....for some reason she was very agitated and started acting differently. Definant. Emotional. I found her prescription and it was obvious she had taken more than she should. A 4-day supply is 4 tablets. She had taken 13 tablets in 4 days. I asked her where the suboxone was...and she immediately became for irritated. I told her I knew that 13 tablets were gone from the prescription. Of course, she was completely outraged by my snooping. She told me that I was going to cause her to go completely crazy...and that she was going to leave and never come back. I thought about it and decided that I would just remain firm. I took the car keys and the prescription and told her that I would be holding onto both until she was a little more responsible. Of course, she said she wasn't going to take the suboxone anymore. I told her that was just an excuse. I told her this wasn't a game. It was serious. How could her brain repair itself if she was not taking it as presribed. She was furious. Screaming. Raging. Crying. I didn't know if she was having a mental breakdown or what. I just walked away. I couldn't take it. One minute she was screaming and cussing...the next minute she was crying and telling me she hated me and that I was going to make her go out and do heroin. Later in the evening after she calmed down she told me that she took the suboxone to get high. If your normal dose is 1/2 tablet twice a day of 2mg suboxone and you increase it to 1 tablet twice a day or 2 tablets once a day is this damaging the healing process of the suboxone. I told her the reason I looked at the prescription was because she was acting the same way she did last summer when she claimed she was taking zanax. She told me today that she would be taking her prescribed dose from now on. I think maybe she realizes how bazaar her behavoir was last night...maybe she's still okay. Today she's acting fine. What do you think?

1 comment:

SUBOXONE MOM said...

I stumbled upon your sight a few weeks ago...........

I wanted to let you know how very much your posts have touched my heart. I know that someday your daughter will realize how very lucky she was to have your support during this difficult time in her life. She just cannot see it....yet.

Please know that NOTHING you can do will MAKE her go out an use. The only thing she can do is use you as an excuse to use. And God has blessed you with the insight to realize that at those insane times of her rantings and ravings, you must just walk away...no matter how much your heart is breaking for her.

I have linked my blog so that you can understand from someone who has taken the "Sub Road" to recovery. Although our stories are different, I can definately identify with your daughter's feelings. And our biggest feeling when first getting on that road to recovery is complete fear. After using for so long, or using so much, we are afraid of what we are....and especially what we were and what we will become if we choose to remain clean......

Hugs to you and her both......

Godspeed

SuboxoneMom