May 6. It was almost time for her counseling session...We were standing in the parking lot when her boyfriend mentioned that someone called and asked my daughter for some of her suboxone... he barely got the word suboxone out of his mouth when she hauled off and slapped him in the face. I felt so sorry for him...he looked at her and his eyes were full of hurt...I mean it broke his heart. I asked her why she slapped him and she said it was because he told me. Actions without consequences!
Of course, our entire counseling session was focused on anger, anger management and the reasons why people do the things they do. I think she actually felt bad about slapping her boyfriend which to me was a good sign. She is sometimes very ugly to her boyfriend and I told her counselor that it seems to me that she tries to push people away that stand in her way of getting to heroin. My daughter actually agreed and sadly said she thought that too...because he's always nice to her and she really has no reason to be mean to him. Her counselor seems to think she needs to be put on a long acting anti-anxiety medication. Her counselor also talked about her ID driven personality. It was very fascinating. The id is driven by the pleasure principle and strives for immediate gratification of all desires and needs. If these needs are not satisfied immediately, the result is a state of anxiety or tension. That's her exactly. If she doesn't get what she wants, when she wants it ...she gets edgy and mean.
May 21. She meets me at her counselor's office at 12 noon. We are standing in the parking lot getting ready to go in and she tells me that she just drove by someone's house to say hello. I asked her why she did that...she's not supposed to be dropping by that person's house. She's supposed to be staying away from him. She said that person was standing outside and she stopped and gave him a hug, asked him how he was doing and then left. That was it...she just wanted to make sure he was okay. She said she doesn't think he's clean. In the counseling session she proceeds talk about all kinds of things jumping from one subject to another. It's a good session I think the counselor is beginning to notice things that's she's probably never noticed before with her behavior and in general the way she thinks.
Later that afternoon, she drops her boyfriend off at work and then goes to a girlfriends house. [Of course her girlfriend lives just down the street from the person she stopped to talked to earlier in the day] At the girlfriends house most all of her user friends show up. I don't know if she called them or if they just showed up. In the meantime her boyfriend is calling her to pick him up from work. She tells him that she's at her girlfriends house and its not time to pick him up. Long story short she's not very nice to him...and what's worse she's not very nice to me either. I told her to come home ASAP. Her girl friend called me back and said " Why does she have to come home? Why does she have to bring the car back?" I responded to her directly by saying "I realize you girls just think you can talk disrespectful to your parents without consequences because I've heard you screaming at your mother...she needs to come home because of the way she was talking to me on the phone"...Her girlfriend said that she would talk to her. Her boyfriend called and said that she was on her way home.
She told me last night that she had taken zanax. I knew it. She always acts that way when she takes zanax. She has been told over and over what can happen to you when you use zanax and suboxone together. She doesn't listen.
May 25. Things seem to be going pretty well. Her user friends have been calling again asking for money. She knows [thanks to counseling] that they just want the money for drugs...and she also knows that if she cares about them at all she will not give them any money. So far she hasn't ...she put all of her money in the bank and doesn't have access to it... So far so good!